The mark of a man
The tile laying traumas continued up until this morning, when a distinctly wonky tile was replaced. The replacement was still not perfect; but at least we won’t trip over the edge any more.
Four days of minor hell, a component of which was keeping the cats away from the workers. One was not a problem, heading for the nearest hiding place at the slightest sound of a visitor and not reappearing till the condo fell silent at the end of the day. The other was determined she should assert her authority over her domain by making the occasional foray into the working area, and then throwing a panic and having to be rescued.
It was during one of these rescue attempts that my grateful cat attempted an escape from my arms by lashing out at my stomach.
She who must be obeyed was most impressed, declaring that wounds like that are the mark of a man. I think she was confusing them with the wounds inflicted by a sabre-tooted tiger on a valiant hunter who is out risking his life to feed his family; but I gave her a manly grunt of agreement anyway and snarled at the cat. God I’m hard.
But of course she was wrong. The mark of a man is not marked by his scratch marks, neither is it measured by the size of his penis or the number of bar girls he took home last night (sorry Ghost). No, the mark of a man is judged by the size of his collection of power tools. And today. I really became a man.
Power tools are great. You can do moderate damage with a slipping screwdriver or a misdirected hammer, but to really fuck things up on the home improvement front, you need something with electrical assistance. Even a humble electric drill is a weapon of mass destruction in the right hands; and I have the right hands. Straight into the water supply? Check. Plunged the house into darkness via a shower of sparks? Check. Drilled straight through into the neighbour’s bathroom? Check (although that was deliberate). Best thing I did was attempt to install an edge cover for some brand new carpet; catch a thread of the carpet on the drill, and thus unravel hundreds of pounds worth of carpet to devastating effect. How we laughed.
Anyway, with the tiling complete we move onto the painting phase of the project. Home Pro charged me 500 baht to wander round two rooms and inform me they would charge 22,000 baht to paint them. You could buy a lens, or a lot of bar girls for that. A lady I have never met who cleans the drains at she who must be obeyed’s office offered to do it for 2,000 baht; a little too cheap I thought. So I have decided to do it myself.
First task has been to scrape off some peeled paint and repair the wall. Then sand it. This is what I started to do this morning. After an hour of sanding I was getting nowhere. So my mind said “coffee break”. Then it said “power tool”, and off I went to Home Works where I spent two minutes choosing the sander and twenty minutes waiting for them to find the box to put it in. They are hopeless.
But then home and plaster was being removed from the wall very quickly, A little too quickly in a couple of places but we won’t go into that.
In the afternoon I managed to explode a switch box and destroy an aircon control box; with nothing more than a misplaced screwdriver. Imagine what I can do tomorrow with my sander and electric drill.
What a man.
July 4th, 2009 at 4:50 am
Your mark of a man looks like yoghurt with traces of cherry jam.
July 4th, 2009 at 7:00 am
Damn, and I thought it looked convincing. How about the sander, does that look real?
July 4th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
How did I get dragged into this? I’ve had my own she who must be obeyed living in the Haunted Mansion for 7 months now!
Sure you want to do the job yourself? Have a Thai guy on staff — our driver — whod oes all our handy work. Turned a crappy storage room into quite the nice office for me. Name a price you think is fair and I’ll run it by him.
July 4th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Oh, and I guess I need to man up. I only own 2 screw drivers and I can’t even find one one of them!
July 4th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
My guy here offered to do it all for free, just a return air ticket and free accommodation for a fortnight. Let me know.
July 5th, 2009 at 12:22 am
my brother tell me he can do with his friends
need about 1 week for 1 room
July 5th, 2009 at 12:32 am
Your brother is welcome to do it with his friends for a week in one room. Just stay away from my place.
July 5th, 2009 at 12:33 am
The sander looks very real indeed. The baby powder was a great idea!
Actually 2.000 baht is not that cheap considering Thai wages. That’s what Family Mart employees get for 80 hours.
July 5th, 2009 at 12:36 am
no worry cannot come
nok busy soi 13/1 every day
July 5th, 2009 at 8:53 am
Mart, you should be ashamed of yourself; your family business is paying way below the legal Thailand minimum wage.
Nok, don’t worry, I don’t think legal wage limits apply to how you earn your money.
July 5th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Are you a communist or something?
July 5th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Something.
July 7th, 2009 at 4:46 am
Actually a fully paid up member of Church of Latter Day Piss Artists …. but that is another story …
July 7th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
have legal limit too
when police come have to pay 200 baht
July 10th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Happen Sometimes
July 11th, 2009 at 2:30 am
I have to say that this site appear to be in the process of being taken over by non-native English speakers … saves on all those prepositions, useless tenses and the definite and indefinite articles I guess .. .waste of time really, I suppose ..