It’s visa renewal time, and as part of the truckload of documentation that the fine people at immigration require, I need a statement confirming my income.

For some reason, I am not to be trusted to write “I earn ten million baht a week. True.” in green crayon on a piece of tatty paper. Instead I have to get the British government to do it for me. So it is down to the British Consul office to present my credentials. I need to fill out a form containing my name and address, and write my monthly income. This amount has to be supported by some sort of documentation, in my case a slip of paper from my previous employer stating my pension (a.k.a. “the pittance”). In return the Consul’s office will fill in my name and address and the amount on a standard letter and give it to me (but not until the following day because everything done by the British government takes at least a day).

And of course there is a fee. To put this in some form of context; if I want a medical certificate I can go to a local doctor who will prod me around a bit and then write out a certificate. He will do this while I wait and charge me 200 baht. A little pricey; but then he is a professional man who spent many years in training, developing the skills to check I am still alive.

And the charge from the British Embassy for their standard letter, knocked out by a clerk after a delay of a day? One thousand, nine hundred and eight baht!! For some more context, that would pay for my lunch (with drink) for 36 days. It would buy The Ghost two women, it would buy Jock six women (one of whom might actually be a woman).

It’s scandalous. We pay our taxes (well, you pay your taxes. I haven’t paid UK taxes since 1984), and then our government servants screw us with things like this.

I’ve a good mind to write to my MP; if I had one.