Speedo and durex
She who must be obeyed likes to chat. Sometimes she likes to chat with me, and sometimes she just chats to herself. It’s important that I recognise which chat is which, otherwise I might interrupt one of her stream of consciousness offerings which are frequently amusing and best left uninterrupted. Like this one:
Preamble: We were driving down beach road and observed the usual collection of scruffy hookers, waiting for equally scruffy customers. I mentioned that there would be a high risk of disease from an association with one of these ladies. There was silence for a few seconds, and then she started:
You know, condoms do not offer enough protection in these circumstances.
(I didn’t answer; because I knew something interesting might be coming and because I would not want to state that I knew that condoms were not adequate when consorting with beach road hookers).
They need something that protects a wider area.
(Pause while her mind considered the options).
Someone should make underwear with a built-in condom.
(There was a further pause whilst she considered the impact of the prophylactic underwear. A smile while she visualised the device in use, followed by a frown. Clearly there was a problem).
But having sex would build up pressure in the underpants, and then eventually they would explode and destroy your bottom.
(I really wanted to jump in at this point and query the physics behind the pressure build-up in the underpants. She seemed to be imagining a pumping action that would somehow generate air pressure. But never mind, I was sure a solution was forthcoming).
They would have to put a little air vent round the back to relieve the pressure. Yes, that would do it. Underwear with a condom on the front and an air vent at the back; totally safe sex.
(I was about to suggest that building a slightly larger air vent round the back would also serve to accommodate the ladies that turned out to be ladyboys; but she was already developing a commercial strategy).
I think Speedo and Durex should get together to develop this, I am sure it would be very popular.
Problem solved, she turned her attention to what we should have for lunch.
So there you are, massive commercial opportunity awaits. Any venture capitalists reading this should contact Speedo and Durex without delay. Just don’t forget the little hole in the back.
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