Four things that should never be close together at the same time: she who must be obeyed, her birthday, a handbag shop, and my credit card. It’s a perfect storm for financial ruin and one I have been able to avoid thus far.

But we were in Siam Paragon this week and I had forgotten all about the imminent event that is her birthday (although I do have a reminder on my phone for the actual day, so I can remember to wish her a happy birthday without being prompted).

As is our usual practice in shopping malls, we went our separate ways; she to look at whatever crap she likes to look at, and me to check on any important new technology and books.

Then an MMS arrives, with this from my wife:

A monstrous montage of Louis Vuitton garbage, what was she on about? Still, the penny did not drop. Then we met up.

“Hello darling” she purred.
Err, hello.
Can we take a quick look at the handbags in Louis Vuitton before we leave? After all, it is my birthday next week….. (sweet smile)

Shit. Bollocks. Balls. Trapped!

She popped off the toilet before what would be an extended choosing session in which I would try, and fail, to pour scorn on every suggested bag. What to do?

Next to the toilets sat an ATM machine. Liberation! I quickly took my credit card and stuck it into the machine. It asked for my pin number and I gave it my ATM card number. Fail. Did that two more times and the machine swallowed my card. Yes!! But I managed to change my expression from one of jubilation to frustration by the time my wife emerged from the toilet.

Just did the silliest thing?
What?
Stuck my credit card into the ATM machine instead of my ATM card and the machine has taken it. Will have to call up and cancel it, then order a replacement.
Oops.
Oops indeed, which means I can’t buy you that handbag I was so keen to get you for your birthday.
Oh.

Still, we went to look anyway, only to find that the shop had already shut for the day; so I had sacrificed my credit card for nothing.

Still, excellent strategic move by me under extreme pressure.

There is of course an alternative story, that I was just trying to get some cash out of the ATM machine, inserted my credit card by mistake, and then stupidly kept on keying in an obviously invalid code until I lost the card. But knowing me, which story would you believe?