It will not surprise you to learn that I like to follow the latest gadget stories. Part of each day is spent catching up on the latest releases in the world of cameras, computers and anything I might conceivably want in my life. Anything released that does not have the Spike seal of approval is roundly mocked and cast aside. Objects that are approved are briefly lusted after and then rejected because of cost, or on the basis that “not even Spike can justify owning that”. Only rarely does something pass through this rigorous and scientific evaluation process and end up joining the massive pile of rarely used toys in my collection.

It was this constant need to keep up to date that had me retiring to bed, iPad in hand, a couple of nights ago. The event was an Apple media briefing to announce new stuff, and they always show zero consideration for their Thailand-based customers by starting these briefings at midnight.

She who must be obeyed joined me in bed, saw me clutching the iPad, and asked “has he left the universe yet?”

Pardon?
Has he left the universe?
Who?
You know, the man who went up in a balloon.
Ah.

She was, of course, referring to Felix Baumgartner. The last time I took the iPad to bed was to watch Mr. B. do his thing, and the sight of it had prompted my wife to demonstrate her lack of knowledge in the areas of cosmology and current affairs.

I explained that Felix had indeed left the part of the universe he had visited in his balloon, and I then settled down to watch Mr. Cook and his cohorts offer us a selection of apparently magical new devices. Luckily for my wallet, they all failed to obtain the Spike seal of approval.

iPad – Tough luck if you bought a retina display iPad in the few months since they were released; because it is now obsolete. Hah! Now there is a new one which is faster; but not much else is new. In particular it doesn’t offer the thin design style and weight reduction of the new iPhone; which means there will be yet another new iPad next year which will be thinner and lighter; and that is when I might replace my current non-retina iPad.

iPad Mini – The iPad that Jobs said he would never make. Like all new products from Apple, it will sell well even though it is obviously not as good as it could be. This one has the thin, light design; but doesn’t have the retina display. Wait for version 2 which will be much improved. Not that I personally want an iPad Mini anyway.

Mac Mini – It’s a little brick of a thing which is now better. As I have no idea what the previous version offered, I can’t tell you much about the improvements in this new one. I just know I don’t want one. Hope you found that evaluation useful.

iMac – Looks fantastic. The 27″ will be a lovely machine, provided you don’t mind the fact that you can’t upgrade it, and the likelihood it will melt two days after the warranty period expires. No thanks.

Mac Pro – No update. This means that my 2010 model is still the current version, which is a good thing (for me).

Finally went to sleep at around 01:15, wondering why on earth I bother staying awake for these things. Felt shit the next morning, but had to get straight back to work by reading the reviews on the Microsoft Surface. Don’t want one of those either.

It’s a tough life being professional gadget ridiculer.