Included in my list of many afflictions over the years has been sinusitis. This was a particular problem when I went diving, requiring the ingestion of pills known as “diver’s chocolates” before each dive, to ensure my nasal passages could cope.
Has not been a problem recently, but last week I went for an SUP paddle on a afternoon when there were massive waves breaking more than head high, and storm warnings to shipping in effect. Well, not really, but there was a bit of a swell and I fell off the board several times and Mr. Gravity ensured that I was inserted into the Gulf of Thailand at a speed sufficient to send a mixture of Russian pee and boat oil (with a small amount of sea water) straight up my nose and into my nasal cavities where it festered for a few hours before signalling its residence with a throbbing pain above the eyes.
Most unpleasant, and even though it subsided after a few days, I can still feel a certain evil presence lingering in my sinuses which I wish I could dispel. I mentioned this to the owner of the windsurfing club and she said she had had major sinus problems for many years, but had found a cure; apple cider! She said something about it not tasting very good and just putting a small amount every day on her food; but I was already on my way to the shops.
I have happy memories, and memories of having no memory, of cider drinking summer days in the UK. Light, refreshing and sometimes potent, how could something so pleasing be a cure for anything? This was good news indeed and I resolved to immediately cure my sinus problem with a massive dose of medicinal cider.
Off to the local mall and all I could find on the shelf, at a depressingly high price, was this:
Still, medicine is never cheap, so I invested in three cans of the miracle cure, took them home, and drank the contents. They went down very well, apart from the last can which seemed to be having trouble coordinating with my lips. Went to bed in a slightly emotional state.
This morning I woke and my sinus pain was gone! At least I assumed it was gone, hard to tell due to the bloody awful headache. And my tongue tasted like it had been licking a cat in the night, which is of course quite possible.
I lurched to my computer to check on this cure, and discovered that what I should have been using was a small, disgusting, amount of apple cider vinegar; which is no fun at all but probably does more to clear sinuses and less to cause headaches.
In future I will stick to gin and tonic, that cures everything.
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