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While the wife’s away

Would I like to go and spend the new year in Ubon with my wife’s extended family?

My answer was succinct, my wife departed north and I found myself alone for four days. My initial dreams of binge watching stuff she doesn’t want to watch, playing hours of computer games and generally slumming around in my underpants, are broken when I am requested to attend the polo club and take some photos for three days. While there I become the good friend and personal photographer to a Maharaja. By good friend I mean he said hello to me, and by personal photographer I mean I took a photo of him on a horse and he said he liked it.

But apart from knocking off about 3,000 shots and knocking around with royalty, there was another project I wished to undertake while my wife was away, a task that will simply be known in history as “the clearance”, but for now I shall refer to it as “clearing all the shit out of the store room”.

The store room sits next to the car port and is one of my disappointments (as is the car port, it doesn’t have an interesting car in it). When we bought the house there were many improvements that she who must be obeyed wanted to implement before we moved in. Mainly small stuff, like two new kitchens, two new bathrooms and a replacement of all the doors and windows. My requirements were more modest: I wanted to extend the tiny store room so that it was big enough to store all our crap and leave space for a little photo studio. For reasons unclear, my proposals were rejected by management and we got a slightly larger store room that was big enough to store all our crap; but that is all.

Over the last couple of years, the crap has slowly increased further, due in no small part to the stated desire of my wife to do some gardening. Her enthusiasm for gardening has not been as great as her enthusiasm for gathering the supplies that will be required when she finally wields a trowel, with the result that the store room has become 70% full of soil, and at least 5% full of fertiliser excreted by animals unknown; but judging by the smell they had upset stomachs.

Something had to be done.

With crampons, climbing boots and breathing apparatus, I ventured into the store and extracted two storage racks, which I then placed in the car port along with paint, spare tiles and she who must be obeyed’s soil collection, .

All the stuff that had been on the racks was dumped in the store, which did not improve the situation:

So this morning I started the day by emptying the contents of the store into the car port.

That took an hour. Then I spent the next four hours sorting out the crap and placing what remained back inside the store. This is a good task to undertake when your wife is away, otherwise you get remarks like “don’t throw out that five year old modem that doesn’t work, it might come in useful”.

Once I had finished, the store looked a great deal tidier, and less smelly:

Final task for the day was to slap some paint on the car port:


That still gives me a day or so until she is back. Time for some binge watching, game playing, underpant wearing action? Nope, I have those 3,000 photos of my new friend the Maharaja and others to process.

2017 sucks so far.

This Post Has 11 Comments
  1. Looks much better as spending a evening with drunk Lao girls at a wedding party in the middle of nowhere…. Hong Thong tasts better without coke or soda.

  2. …and streets ahead of how we spent today, boating slowly down the Pasak River from Tharea to Ayutthaya for lunch and then boating slowly back for dinner. Totally crap day, nothing to complain about at all, didn’t even run out of beer. Hate it when things go well…

  3. This blog is, I think, a contribution to human understanding even more profound and important than CERN’s detection of the Higgs Bosun on July 4th, 2012… No: stay with me on this… Here we have exceptionally clear photographic evidence, scientific proof if you will, that within the bounds of any given dwelling, irreplaceably important (but bewilderingly untouched) items will automatically expand in numbers and volume to fill all available space.

    This is reasonably well known.

    Slightly less well understood is the fact that the process by which the occupancy takes place is also evidence of Darwinian evolution in action. For evidence of this, may I refer the gentle reader to the first photograph in this article. The average person would gaze upon the shelf with the yellow watering can and shrug. However, a scientific eye would look above this shelf, and see the scattering of small plastic bags directly above their larger relatives and realise – instantly – that they were observing evolution in action. And the paint on the left? Do you see how the shelves where there are two large plastic buckets of paint also have one smaller one… but the shelf with a single large bucket of paint has no offspring? This is no coincidence… Indeed, if several photographs were taken over time, you’d probably see the changes as they happen. Except for those little, yellow, snap-together parts trays. They’re sneaky little bastards.

    1. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I think you may be reading a tad too much into this post.
      He’s just had what appears to be a long overdue clear out/tidy-up ffs, wisely using the absence of SWMBO to good effect.

      1. This is the sort of attitude that blocks human progress; the thinking that mocked Aristotle when he invented the vacuum cleaner. Clive, while clearly insane, may well be onto something that will change the face of science for generations to come.

        1. Yes, I’d have to agree with all of that and we can only hope that Clive continues to unfold his revelations on these pages for our mutual edification before the men in white coats make their final swoop.
          I would wish to point out, however, that in my considered opinion he has understated the expansion of matter by an important percentage and it is my personal experience, borne out of many years of building yet more bloody sheds, that your gear will always expand to fill the available space plus ten percent thus you can never keep up and my back yards in two hemispheres are silent proof of that!

    2. “Higgs Bosun”? There’s a quantum-nautical joke in there struggling to express itself, but it needs more work…

  4. ” Once I had finished, the store looked a great deal tidier, and less smelly “….. while it may *look * less smelly I will wait for you to load one of your old film camera’s with Fuji’s new ” Smellvia 50 ” before I can concur….

      1. Don’t mind him, he’s from Barcelona…
        Andrew may have wanted you to add ‘was’ between ‘and’ and ‘less’ but we knew what you meant!

      2. My senses have been separated for a while now – I don’t think reconciliation is in the cards….plus I keep referring to myself as Manuel….

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