Lucky is the man, or woman, who lives a long and full life without the need to resort to medication before the day they are killed driving a Ferrari at high speed into a concrete wall (my preferred exit strategy).
I am not one of those people. A variety of afflictions have visited me across the years, some of which require continuing attention. My latest heart problem (as opposed to the old heart problems which involved women and thrown ornaments) has added significantly to the daily intake of life support substances and I thought it might be edifying to take a photo of my drug collection (smack and heroin not shown for legal reasons):
Starting from the left, we have the asthma inhaler which has been my companion since they invented it, and before that pills of the same substance. I have no doubt that being brought up in the acidic, yellow mist which passed itself off as “air” in Teesside, contributed to my many chest problems and a lifetime of asthma. I never go anywhere without my inhaler, thus adding a small, slightly optimistic, but ultimately disappointing bulge to my trousers.
Next, the unmistakable pink of the daily baby aspirin, de rigeur for old farts, especially those that managed to coax up two minor strokes more than twenty years ago; due in no small part to a hedonistic lifestyle.
On we go, to two little white pills which provide my body with its daily requirement for thyroid hormone. This is because my thyroid is completely fucked, possibly because I zapped it with a radioactive pill a few years ago which it didn’t seem to like. Bastard.
And now to the latest corporeal cock-up, my partial heart blockage. That little white pill (which is actually heart shaped but you can’t see that thanks to me over-exposing the shot) is a beta blocker which lowers my hear rate and and makes my symptoms disappear. Hooray for beta blockers.
Finally, we have the cluster of pills on the right which are my attempts, in addition to my ketogenic diet, to tell this heart condition to fuck off. In no particular order they are vitamins D3, B3, K2 and Magnesium. I have no idea if any of this is doing any good; but it makes me think I am at at least trying.
The bad news is that it is a lot of pills to take daily (or carry with you when travelling). The good news is that only the beta blocker needs a prescription, and, in spite of all this, I am feeling better than I have for years. Fourteen kilos lighter than I was when I retired fourteen years ago, and loads of energy.
What’s next? A Ferrari?