An ordinary life in an extra-ordinary place
Adobe are known, admired and despised for the massive software bundle that is their Creative Suite. One of the bundle is Photoshop and this used to be the standard for Photo manipulation; and a right pain in the arse it was, and probably still is.
I vaguely recall working through a twenty hour training course. At the end of it I had forgotten the features taught in the early part of the course. A couple of weeks later and I had forgotten all of it. Problem is, what I wanted to do with a typical photo was a few simple tweaks; which were littered all over the place in Photoshop and in a non-intuitive jumble of options.
And then, five years ago, Adobe released Lightroom. Designed purely for photo cataloguing and processing, Lightroom was something even an idiot like Spike could get his brains around in a couple of hours. Photoshop might still be needed for some more advanced manipulation, but most of what you needed to do could be done in Lightroom. Plus, Photoshop can only manage one photo at a time; whereas my Lightroom catalogues currently hold more than 40,000 photos.
Five years on and we are now at version 3.6, and Lightroom is a comprehensive and elegant solution which I could not live without.
And today, Adobe announced Lightroom 4. As is their practice nowadays, the new version is released as a free beta so we can all play with it and give them feedback if we feel inclined. I have already spent an hour so with it and there are many refinements and some totally new modules including maps (search for a location on the map and then drop a bunch of photos onto it to have them geotagged). There is a rather feeble video editing module and a book making module which looks better than the usual book making software; but does require you to use a specified publisher who must be looking forward to massively increased sales.
If you have never used Lightroom before; this would be a good time to get familiar with a free version. If you already have it, then download version 4 and it will sit beside your current version. Download Lightroom 4 beta here. View some introductory videos here.
So I had just finished a product photo shoot and was loading the shots to my computer for an appraisal when…. blackness. The computer light was still on but the monitors were blank. Oh dear.
I have been having problems with one of the five hard drives in my machine refusing to connect. Perhaps nearing the end of its life, and maybe it was causing the problem. So I took it out and re-booted. Success! For about five minutes and then it happened again. It did seem a little hot inside, so I turned it off and let it cool down and tried again. Ten minutes and then death, and this time I finally worked out that the graphics card was red hot, and that was because the fan in the card wasn’t moving. Tapped the fan and away it went and it seemed to be OK. Checking the web and it appears it is a common problem with this ATI card and it will probably eventually fail. Oh, and the hard drive is still not happy.
If that wasn’t enough hassle for one day, HSBC let me down again. I have spent the last three weeks fighting with them over an investment that I wished to cash in; given that Europe is shortly going to implode, followed by America, followed by a complete collapse of the world banking system. I want hard cash and I want shiny gold.
The three week fight is worthy of a separate post, but the latest issue was a desire to transfer a large sum of money from one country to another. The internet banking system would not let me do it. I had exceeded the limit for a transfer apparently, but the system would not tell me what my limit was or how I could overcome it.
So I send a message to my “adviser” in Hong Kong who is complete wanker and his response is true to form: “I will be away until the 16th January”, having just been away for weeks over Xmas. I had already sent a message to the bank in Jersey which they had helpfully ignored; so as a last resort I called the Jersey Help Desk.
Hi, I’m John and I’m here to help you!
I sincerely doubt it.
Pardon?
I sincerely hope so.
Well, if I can just ask you these thirty two security questions, we can continue.
So we do all that and it turns out I can only transfer two pounds via internet banking (I overstate slightly). But not a problem, because I can ask for the transfer over the phone.
You can ask for the transfer over the phone.
Let’s do that then.
Do you have a pin number?
No.
No problem, we can get you a pin number over the phone.
Let’s do that then.
But we can’t because one of your accounts is inactive and we have to get the back office to make it active first.
Let’s do that then.
Well I have to transfer you to the back office and then they will transfer you back to me. Hang on.
There is a load of hissing and banking and then a voice comes over the line.
Hello, this is Cindy. I am here to re-activate your account.
Let’s do that then.
Well, if I can just ask you these thirty two security questions, we can continue.
So we do that and then Cindy does something which I have no involvement in; but then my account is re-activated.
I will transfer you back to John now.
OK.
pause
Sorry, I can’t reach John (probably because he has fucked off for his lunch, although she doesn’t say that).
So now what.
Please call this eighty five digit phone number and ask for John.
I swear a little and then make the call.
Hello, this is Alfred.
Can I speak to John please.
I’m sorry John isn’t here (probably because he has fucked off for his lunch, although he doesn’t say that). But I can help you.
OK.
Well, if I can just ask you these thirty two security questions, we can continue.
So we do that and then I am able to set up a pin number. Then I can call another number and finally, finally, ask for the transfer. I call the number and it asks for my bank code and my pin which I provide.
Welcome to HSBC, all our operatives are busy right now (probably because they have fucked off for their lunch, although it doesn’t say that).
What it does say is that everyone is busy, several time, before finally I hear a voice.
Hello, this is Warren, how can I help you.
I want to make a transfer.
Well, if I can just ask you these thirty two security questions, we can continue.
And we are just on the last question which requires I provide some information from my on-line banking which is sat on my screen when… poof, the screen goes dead thanks to the wanky ATI graphics card.
Warren?
Yes Mr Spike?
I am going to have to call you back. Please have the questions ready.
I went for a Guinness, the transfer can wait till tomorrow.
Imagine a massive world, where every blade of grass, every rock, every tiny item inside a house, has been crafted and placed there. Imagine this world alive with sounds and movement, the spindrift of the snow on the mountains, leaves falling from trees, animals moving through the undergrowth. Whether it is dark or sunny, misty or clear, raining or snowing; it is beautiful.
Now imagine the world filled with more than 350 locations, from large towns to small underground caverns. Imagine different races of people, different cultures, all waiting to interact with you with more than 60,000 lines of script. Imagine hundreds of books to be read, puzzles to be unlocked and quests to undertake. Welcome to the world of Skyrim.
It’s easy to sum up Skyrim in one word, and that word would be “massive”. It’s a massive physical world with a massive amount of detail, and as you spend the hours tramping around the varied scenery, you can’t hep but wonder how many thousands of man hours it took to build it. Walk into a town and there is life going on all around you. Fight break out, there’s the occasional murder, rumour and intrigue abound. There are shops and inns and private houses and castles and centres of study and worship. There is an elaborate culture, in fact there are different elaborate cultures in the various areas, or “holds” of Skyrim; but the overall feel is Norse, in keeping with the mountainous and chilly terrain.
If there was just the world, then it would be an impressive place to visit; but of course this is a game and there has to be something defined for you to undertake. But this is Skyrim, so the choices are “massive”.
The game starts with you as a prisoner about to executed. Luckily for you, a dragon attacks your captors and you escape. A fellow escapee suggests you go and talk to someone in a distant town. You do that and so starts a long chain of quests involving…. actually I don’t know because I was diverted by other opportunities. As you travel around you meet people. They tell you things, they ask you favours, they offer you work. It would be impolite to refuse. Then you discover various guilds looking for members, factions wanting your support, mines that can be mined so you craft armour, almost endless items to collect in the pursuit of alchemy and enchanting. There are skills to be developed, traders to be traded with, followers to be acquired and if you get really desperate, you can even get married. This might be the only wife you have if you spend too many hours playing the game.
Every time I drop into the world of Skyrim, I have a vague idea of what I am going to do, but I always end up doing something else; and it is always hugely entertaining. My computer tells me I have been playing the game for thirty nine hours and I have barely started the main storyline; but I have become a fairly accomplished thief, my chosen profession. I have also amassed a pile of cash and am planning to buy a house in which to stash my ill-gotten loot.
It’s actually impossible to adequately describe the size and depth of this game; you really have to experience it yourself to appreciate what an achievement it is. But it may give you an idea when I tell you that the game guide that I bought The Son for Xmas has 655 pages of small type and even smaller illustrations.
Skyrim is the best computer game I have ever played. And I am not alone in my admiration. Ten million copies were shipped in the first month, something of a record, and the reviews are overwhelmingly positive. The only negative is that you need time to play it. Once you start you will want to explore the world, and I reckon at least one hundred hours of your life will be required to do it justice; but I guarantee you will love every moment.
Skyrim is available for Windows, Xbox 360 and PS3.
Reading through the GX1 manual and I find it has a “super high speed” shutter mode which knocks out up to 20 shots a second. Image size is substantially degraded but it has to be tried out. Let’s drop a ten baht coin into a bowl of water….
In it goes, and then it bounces out again:
Even at 1/2500th of a second the coin is blurred and the images are pretty crap. Fun though, and when she who must be obeyed gets home we can try dropping cats from a height until one of them breaks. And if anyone has any spare eggs I have a sharp spike I could drop them on.
Popped out to my usual haunts this afternoon for some GX1/GF1 comparison action; but I ended up just enjoying taking some photos and the comparison went out of the window. I thought this was quite stark and interesting, shot almost directly into the sun:
Panasonic GX1 with Voigtlander 25mm, processed with Topaz B&W Effects.
Less interesting:
Panasonic GX1 with Voigtlander 25mm
Panasonic GF1 with Voigtlander 25mm
OK, that’s enough photos of flowers with out of focus backgrounds for 2012. Must be time for some more elevated horse shots soon.
It was a difficult conversation with my wife.
You said it was love for life, she said with bewildered eyes.
I know, I replied, not daring to look at her.
You said this was all you would ever need.
I know.
Why, only yesterday you breathed “I love you”.
I know.
So, why? I just need to know.
Well, I just feel the need for a new experience.
A new experience!!??
Yes, well, younger, faster, more sexy.
Typical man….
Yes, today I went to Bangkok and came home with a Panasonic GX1, the younger, faster, sexier upgrade to the GF1. Report undoubtedly to follow.
When I was seventeen I started work for the grand salary of thirteen pounds a month. Feeble recompense, even in those days; but somehow I managed to save some cash and eventually bought my first camera, a Russian-made Zenit-E for the sum of seventeen pounds. It was an agricultural monster of an SLR, with a mirror that would make the room (and the photo) shake every time you pressed the shutter. But it was mine and I had paid for it and many rolls of film passed through its sprockets until it died and was melted down to make a tractor.
After that, I had Canon SLRs for most of my adult life. Come the digital revolution I bought a Canon 300D and then a move to a 30D when I retired. Then everything got a little out of hand.
I used to enjoy shooting sports, and soon people started offering me money to shoot sports in various locations. As the money came in I started to upgrade my gear, and by 2009 I was up to a Canon 1D and a load of lenses. A trip to shoot a round of the Indian Rally Championship found me checking in for my flight with fifteen kilos of camera and (some of my) lenses in a rucksack. Fortunately, nobody bothered to check the weight of my carry-on baggage, they just assumed that I always walked as if I had a sack of coal on my back. Holiday trips with she who must be obeyed found me hauling similar weights around the place; just ridiculous.
Then, in December 2009, I bought this:
A Panasonic GF1 with a 20mm F1.7 lens. The camera and lens cost me half of what a decent Canon lens would cost. It weighed nearly nothing and would fit in your pocket if you didn’t mind the bulge. And what a performer. Fun to use with images that delighted me. After a lifetime of flappy-mirror SLRs, this was an epiphany. Cameras didn’t need to be big to be good.
By mid-2010 I had kept the big Canon and one lens for my income-generating sports shooting, but the rest of my Canon lenses had been sold. I would like to say that the money I made from selling them was wisely invested; but of course it went on buying more lenses for the GF1. Now when I went on trips, I still carried a camera and bunch of lenses, but they all fitted in a small bag and were light enough to carry around all day.
I now have three cameras. The Canon 1D which is an efficient machine at knocking out beautiful, lucrative sports shots. The Fuji X100 which is an occasionally frustrating beast, but it compensates by excellent image quality even at high ISO. And finally the GF1. It’s battered and scratched, but every time I pick it up I want to go and take photos. It’s by far the most enjoyable camera I have ever owned. If I was going on a trip and only allowed one camera, the GF1 would be it. The way it fits in your hand, how all the controls are easily available, it just feels exactly how a camera should feel. If you own a GF1 you will know what I mean.
So I would like to wish my GF1 belated birthday wishes. Thank you for two years of fun and thousands of images. I love you.
P.S. Regretfully, you are soon to be replaced.
One of the questions I am asked most often is “How do you amuse yourself whilst sitting on the toilet?” The other frequently asked question is “Why do you invent questions that nobody has ever asked you?”.
The answer to the first question used to be “Angry Birds”; but now it is W.E.L.D.E.R.; to be known in future as Welder because it is a bugger to type all those full stops in the right place.
As we all don’t know, W.E.L.D.E.R. (damn, I had to do it again) stands for Word Examination Laboratory for Dynamic Extraction and Reassessment. Which means nothing. But it’s an excuse for the game to make machinery type noises which you soon turn off as you spend your time forming (sorry, welding) words.
But if you forget the stupid title and the sounds, Welder is a time-consuming slice of genius.
You start with a Scrabble style board and move letters around to form words. The first few levels are easier enough, but the word count required gets higher and the moves available become shorter, and new types of tile are introduced. Red tiles can’t be moved by you, but will fall if you clear words underneath them. Brown, broken tiles (also known as “complete bastard tiles” by aficionados) cannot be moved at all, and words formed beneath them result in useless spaces, like this:
As the red tiles and complete bastard tiles increase, so does the incidence of the more challenging letters of the alphabet. If anyone knows a word containing three J’s and two Z’s, please let me know.
The secret to progression is to use the gold multiplier tiles in combination to achieve high word score and loads of extra moves. It can take a while to set one of these up, and my efforts are frequently thwarted when I unwittingly make a word I have never heard of. If I ever go to Angola, I look forward to throwing some “lwei” coins down the drain, that word being the latest to screw up my nearly masterpiece.
The game used to have twelve levels and I finished them all a few times. The latest version has fifteen and I am yet to complete them all. Currently on my second try and about to start level 11.
There is now a word check so you can see whether a word will be accepted (it has a strange concept of proper nouns), and you can look up all the weird words that you make by mistake in an online dictionary.
Welder is addictive fun and good for the brain. Available for iPhone and iPad, although you will press the wrong letter on the iPhone occasionally, especially if you are driving at the time.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off for a poo and an attack on level 11.
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